How Come I'm Not Perfect?

Yikes!  I have had two days of misery trying to connect (cannulate) Sabine's fistula so that we can wash her blood (hemodialysis).  I have spent nearly an hour each day trying to access her fistula and for about an HOUR of multiple "sticks" no luck.

This is problem-solving par excellence!  I do what I think is the very same thing every day and some days it works and some days it does not (at least for a while).  We haven't been completely shut out, though I have called the dialysis center for help and consulation -- we have not had to abandon the treatment and drive to the center in Madison (at least yet!).

So, I am begining to realize (again) I am not perfect.  I was I was.  But it just ain't the way life is.

God must be teaching me a lesson.  Maybe that's it.  And also teaching me the importance of patience.

For this, O Lord, I pray....

Some photos which, more than words, express what happened this morning.  The "trash" and then, finally, a good "connection" and blood run!

Dealing with Grief

I wrote this at one of my men's group follow up sessions on dealing with grief.  I find poetry to be especially helpful in going through a cancer diagnosis.

at
first
Sabine’s cancer sadness
was a
monkey
on my back
look (i would think
they’d say)
he’s so strong
but
there’s a
monkey
on his back
and he
can’t
shake it
embarrassed
i would gulp my
grief
swallow my
tears
now
two years have
passed
the monkey
still is
there
(a frequent
passenger) he’s
still
quite visible
a passenger
with whom
i now
find comfort
proud to carry
him
look
(they now say
no longer noticing
the monkey)
how much
he
loves
her.

The Gracious Interim

What can I say?  Life has been good.  I even went to a men's retreat in Omaha (with a bit of anxiety I might add!).  And Sabine went to the dialysis center that Saturday and they were able to access her fistula without a problem!

So what does that look like?  I have inserted a photo of Sabine's arm showing the two access points (the top is the venous access and the lower "buttonhole" access for the arterial connection.

We have another month before we have to meet with Sabine's oncologist and review her "numbers."

In the meantime, she has been hot-tubbing and looking forward to our pool opening in a few weeks!

Travelling?  Not during summer.  For it is our little "patch" in the rolling hills of southern Wisconsin that Sabine deeply loves and wishes to spend her time.  Winter is another thing and she will want to head south for a week or two.

Have a blessed summer!

Progress

Sabine's catheter removal operation on Wednesday was successful!  After two plus years, she is rid of that plastic tube that we used for dialysis.  One of the docs called it a "bacterial wick."  Good riddance!

So now, water activities are in her horizon.

This week is also Holy Week and we have been helping out at the little church of Holy Trinity on the Mississippi River at Prairie du Chien.  We have experienced the illness journey these past two years and find emotional support and comfort in joining Jesus in his journey and rejoicing in his Resurrection!

Our daughter, Yumi, has arrived in Afghanistan.  Please pray for her, too!

Love to all from both of us this Easter season!

Gilda's Club -- Cancer Support for the Whole Family

This morning, Sabine and I joined Gilda's Club (it's free!) as a place where we can get support during our illness.  It is named after Saturday Night Live's Gilda Radner (Rose Rosanna Dana, and a host of other great characters.  (See http://www.gildasclubmadison.org/Site/index.aspx)  It's free and a get community asset.

After our new member session this morning, we went to our first event there -- Laughter Yoga!  After a somewhat sad time of listening to other new member's cancer stories, with many mutual tears shared, we went off for an hour of laughter led by the Madison Laughter Club (See http://www.laughteryoga.org/).

I think one of the benefits of joining others who are fighting cancer is the wonderful resource will all can be to one another in both our joys and sorrows.

Yep, I am a devotee.  Why?

TEN GOOD REASONS TO LAUGH FOR NO REASON

1. Laughter is a strees buster.
2. Laughter strengthens the immune system.
3. Laughter is aerobic exercise (really!).
4. Laughter is anti-aging.
5. Laughter is internal jogging.
6. Laughter is a natural pain killer.
7. Laughter can control high blood pressure.
8. Laughter can help dump depression and anxiety.
9. Laughter alleviates bronchitis and asthma.
10. Laughter just makes you feel good.

And I would add an eleventh reason, a laughter group is the place where I can tell one of my corny jokes and everyone laughs!

THINK SPRING (even though we woke up this morning with three inches of the white stuff on the ground)!

Targeting the Fistula

I felt like Robin Hood this morning -- one needle, one stick in each buttonhole -- two arrows flew and hit their mark!  We just got our catheter-removal appointment confirmed for UW Hospital on the 28th of this month.  Canoeing and pool time are in Sabine's future.  We are both getting comfortable with using the new "connecting" method for dialysis.  Robins have been seen, Sandhill Cranes heard... Spring is coming.

HOME ALONE!

Thankfully, the Mazomanie neighborhood was not roused out of bed by our screams!  Instead, all went relatively well.  Only one attempt needed on the Arterial buttonhole and two one "re-stick" on that still-troublesome Venous buttonhole.  Whew!  A little pre-treatment anxiety and the potential of inflicting pain on my beloved.

So, it's party-time tonight and our celebration tongith at a "sock-hop" at the home of one of our support group couples -- "Come on it's twisting time like we did last summer, it's twisting time, twisting time is here!" (or something like that ala Chubby Checker).

To calm our selves Sabine and I started taking Tai Chi and we both are liking it.