Friday, April 30, 2010

How Come I'm Not Perfect?

Yikes!  I have had two days of misery trying to connect (cannulate) Sabine's fistula so that we can wash her blood (hemodialysis).  I have spent nearly an hour each day trying to access her fistula and for about an HOUR of multiple "sticks" no luck.

This is problem-solving par excellence!  I do what I think is the very same thing every day and some days it works and some days it does not (at least for a while).  We haven't been completely shut out, though I have called the dialysis center for help and consulation -- we have not had to abandon the treatment and drive to the center in Madison (at least yet!).

So, I am begining to realize (again) I am not perfect.  I was I was.  But it just ain't the way life is.

God must be teaching me a lesson.  Maybe that's it.  And also teaching me the importance of patience.

For this, O Lord, I pray....

Some photos which, more than words, express what happened this morning.  The "trash" and then, finally, a good "connection" and blood run!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dealing with Grief

I wrote this at one of my men's group follow up sessions on dealing with grief.  I find poetry to be especially helpful in going through a cancer diagnosis.

Sabine’s cancer sadness
was a
on my back
look (i would think
they’d say)
he’s so strong
there’s a
on his back
and he
shake it
i would gulp my
swallow my
two years have
the monkey
still is
(a frequent
passenger) he’s
quite visible
a passenger
with whom
i now
find comfort
proud to carry
(they now say
no longer noticing
the monkey)
how much

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Gracious Interim

What can I say?  Life has been good.  I even went to a men's retreat in Omaha (with a bit of anxiety I might add!).  And Sabine went to the dialysis center that Saturday and they were able to access her fistula without a problem!

So what does that look like?  I have inserted a photo of Sabine's arm showing the two access points (the top is the venous access and the lower "buttonhole" access for the arterial connection.

We have another month before we have to meet with Sabine's oncologist and review her "numbers."

In the meantime, she has been hot-tubbing and looking forward to our pool opening in a few weeks!

Travelling?  Not during summer.  For it is our little "patch" in the rolling hills of southern Wisconsin that Sabine deeply loves and wishes to spend her time.  Winter is another thing and she will want to head south for a week or two.

Have a blessed summer!

Friday, April 2, 2010


Sabine's catheter removal operation on Wednesday was successful!  After two plus years, she is rid of that plastic tube that we used for dialysis.  One of the docs called it a "bacterial wick."  Good riddance!

So now, water activities are in her horizon.

This week is also Holy Week and we have been helping out at the little church of Holy Trinity on the Mississippi River at Prairie du Chien.  We have experienced the illness journey these past two years and find emotional support and comfort in joining Jesus in his journey and rejoicing in his Resurrection!

Our daughter, Yumi, has arrived in Afghanistan.  Please pray for her, too!

Love to all from both of us this Easter season!