Friday, April 17, 2009

One more straw...

I suppose most caregivers go through the same ups and downs as I have gone through over the past year. While you focus on your loved one, the rest of the world goes on with all its ups and down... the path is not always smooth and without its elevations and depressions.

As we wait for another test before the stem cell transplant I am conscious that life is going on and I get resentful when I have to handle family or personal problems that pull me away from my caregiving. One such event was a problem one of our adult children was having. I wanted to help but at the same time I was resentful of having to deal with it at all.

While being torn with this, I put together this little poem which reflected my feelings -- most of which were sad. Perhaps you have had the same kind of feeling within your own life.

some say it’s the last straw
God won’t give you more
than you can bear
is that right?
if that’s so
why do i feel
so sad?
that last straw
is awfully heavy
it encouraging
(the word comes from heart)
this too i
will bear
in the meantime
why do i feel
so sad?

It took a couple of days before I "bounced back." but during this time I found that being a caregiver to your beloved and being involved in family is a very precarious emotional position -- one in which requires constant prayer for strength and plenty of connections with friends.

If all goes well with the tests next week, we should be heading to the hospital for the transplant on the following Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday (April 27, 28, or 29).