Successful Surgery

We had a great and successful day at UW Hospital yesterday. The surgery went well, and the medical staff were great!

Sabine's vein has "matured" over the last six months and she will be ready to start the "buttonholing" procedure in about three weeks.

She slept well last night (just a little pain) and woke up raring and ready to go to see the Broadway musical, "Spring Awakening" in Milwaukee tonight!!

p.s. by the way, I am doing another blog on life, living, God and the Holy Spirit at


http://christinyouchristinme.blogspot.com

Reflecting After 22 Months

I thought this would be a good time to reflect -- 22 months into the breach.

While the unexamined life isn't worth living, so also is a life in which there is no reflection. We are all so into action that reflection seems not worth our time; a trivial pursuit. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

It has now been nearly two years since Sabine took ill. It was the worst time in my life and it also became the very best time in my life. How can I say that? Stay with me... while Sabine's illness and fatal cancer diagnosis scared me almost to death and broke me emotionally, it also brought into focus what is important in my life. As a friend of mine reminded me, responsibility is not meaning. Men like me take being responsible, in charge, in control as being meaning. I found out it isn't. I was no longer in control.

For the first time in my life I HAD to depend upon God. I had two choices -- put myself into God's hands or to kiss God goodbye (I did consider the latter!). The choice I made was reasonable and rational -- it is the mettle of the psalms -- "trust in God -- no matter what happens."

God sustained me. God answered my prayer and lifted me up when I was down; encouraged me and listened to my tears. Because of the terrible days, I more deeply appreciate the many wonderful ones we share in between. It is in our primary loving relationships that we get glimpses of God and, at the same time, we are given our greatest test as human persons.

I also realized that the intense happiness I have enjoyed loving Sabine for 28 years and being her partner is temporary in this life. One day it will come to an end as sad and frightening that may seem to me. There is a beginning, middle and end to all things on this earth; no sense whistling past those graveyards.

I know this now. I have come to grips with it and it is OKAY! This realization strengthened my faith in a loving, caring, compassionate God who is worth seeking and knowing.

So, today I am reflecting. I am thankful. What Sabine and I have sustained together strengthens my life and deepens even more my love for her.

Peace and love to each one of you who have walked this journey with us.

Life is good and worthwhile and so is the One who creates and sustains it.

Happy, happy talk!

Hey, why not some happy faces here?

I'm wearing one!

Sabine met with her primary cancer doc (Dr Sheehan) today and he reviewed her recent tests and all looks GREAT! All the important markers within normal range. He will see her in SIX weeks! This coming Monday, Sabine has some "minor" day-surgery to start to establish a "buttonhole" in her arm for dialysis purposes... swimming is just ahead!

It's been almost 2 years since that terrible diagnosis. Thanks to all of you for your support and prayers -- we couldn't have done it without you!

Love from both of us!

The Cabana

Sabine's brother, Rainer, was in town for three days, with hammer and saw in hand, and looking for something creative to do. So, Sabine said, "Let's build a cabana!" And so we did (under, of course, Sabine's close supervision)...

The roof is now on and I have just a few things left to do like putting up the screening and a door... Otherwise, we now have a CABANA!

Thanks, Rainer!

T for Two!

AND THE "T" STANDS FOR TANDEM!

Because Sabine believes that her cancer hates oxygen, we purchased this used tandem from a couple near Lodi (thanks to craigslist.com).

It is both an on and off-road tandem so we can use the many bicycle trails in our area. Next Wednesday, Sabine plans to take the tandem into her appointment with Dr Sheehan and ride it back home (a round trip of about 60 miles!).

The picture is our first ride on the tandem near the Military Ridge Trail at Blue Mounds.

Sabine plans to save gasoline by using the tandem to commute the 10 mile trip to our cottage in Mazomanie during dialysis days (with good weather!).

p.s. it's taken me 28 years to get her on a tandem bike! I used to have a tandem when we were dating and she simply did not like having to be in the rear! (my smelly shorts?). Generally, the person with the most upper body strength is the "captain" (in front) and the other person functions as the "stoker." This is NOT sexist!

So, it's taken me all these years to break her in (don't tell her I said this!) and now she seems to enjoy the team effort of tandem riding. Again, life may not be fair, but it is good!

Poetic Ramblings

This has been an artsy couple of weeks with plays in Spring Green and at the American Players Theater nearby. This week (on Wednesday) Sabine finally gets back to see her primary cancer doc, Dr Sheehan, after being passed to Dr Longo for the successful (I might add) stem cell transplant. Hallelujah!

Then next week we start the "buttonhole" process (establishing a fistual site in Sabine's arm to enable dialysis in a more aseptic way than the tunnel catheter we have used for nearly two years!). This will permit access for dialysis in Sabine's arm and enable her to engage in swimming and water sports which were prohibited by the tunnel catheter in her neck. We have a day surgery scheduled for the 5th of October.

And, oh yes, the Marriage Course (www.themarriagecourse.org) begins at New Heights Lutheran Church in Mazomanie on October 8th!

My hobby (I have finally realized) is writing poetry. Some of you have read some of it from time to time here on this blog.

Some events have happened which resulted in some wordsmithing: Sabine's temporary remission as a result of the stem cell transplant, a father and son dying nearby us, ruminating on past loves and losses with one of my daughters, and a bicycle ride discussion I had with my friend, Jeff, about "What's it like to be you?"



this interim time
sweet as summer squash
peaceful as an afternoon nap
yet
i hold my breath
watching you sleep
wondering
worrying
about that cancer
it’s there
hidden
lying in wait
like a mugger
on a dark path
God, you know what
you have to do
smite it!
yes I said smite
smite those
evil mugger cells
like you smote
those
philistines
you can do it
please…




two deaths you say?
so close together
down that
winding hill?
a father and son
same spot
weeks apart
an accident?
the father's
empty boots
along the road
his body
nearby
the trigger
and the toe
fall leaves
sprinkle
crimson red
as two souls
like evening mist
float
along
the creek
searching
for
each other




to all i've loved
and loved
me back
thank you!
(i mean it)
you've taught
me much through
trial and error
my faults
mistakes
hurts & pains
and yes grief
(let’s not forget
the grief)
oh yes
the loss
(we can't forget
the loss either)
thank you
your teaching has
not been lost
it's led
me to
a love that
truly passes
understanding
without you
all of this would
have been
not!
old dogs
can learn
new
tricks



what's it like
to be you?
whew, you say
that’s heavy
yes, but what IS
it like to be you?
what makes you
you?
how can i love you
if i don’t know
what it feels like
to be
you?
think about it
because
i’m thinking about it
about
telling you
what’s it like
to be
me



Thanks for all you continued support and prayers!

Enjoying the late summer...

Yes, that's Sabine and me on the far right (for once!). We were at the annual "Bob Fest" in Baraboo (a liberal bastion of democrats and free-thinkers). We got some good t-shirts and lawn signs.

You are probably wondering "where's the blogs?" But you know that NO news with me is usually GOOD news. We are celebrating this new lease on life called a stem cell transplant. Sabine is feeling great and strong! (And, thus, lowering greatly my nearly two year long anxiety!)

This is Sabine outside the new indoor American Players Theater near Spring Green. In one week's time we saw two stunning plays. First. "Old Times" by Pinter (wow!) and then O'Neil's "Long Days Journey Into Night." Both were powerful relational plays and gave new meaning to dysfunctional families!



We met with the "access" folks at UW Hospital and Sabine has her surgery to bring her vein connection up on October 5th. (Just in time -- we begin teaching The Marriage Course on the 8th). It's a day surgery and this is the second step now to creating a fistual access point in her arm for dialysis. It will also permit her to rid herself of the tunnel catheter in her neck!

We are greatly enjoying this late burst of summer, taking hikes, and enjoying each other's company.

LIFE IS GOOD!